The scene Mulholland Drive, Los Angeles. Crimezine enjoys a soothing poolside cocktail and a leisurely leaf through the latest Robert Crais novel Taken, but a strange disturbance is afoot.
No, we are not talking about high-pitched neighbor Jennifer Aniston, as she paces her back yard in a velour leisure suit, script in one hand, giant slab of pizza in the other, shrieking lines from her latest rom-com.
Nor are we talking about the clickity-clack of Bonzo-Bob Craises vintage Remington “typographical writing machine” as he cranks out the latest instalment of the ongoing Pike and Cole saga, in typical Chandleresque fashion.
The disturbance of which we speak is altogether more disturbing. The “Craisies” have been thronging the neighborhood for several weeks now. Turns out “Keep the noise down” Crais has become something of a MILF Magnet . The result? Hordes of swooning soccer moms filling the street outside the Crais residence on a daily basis, and it is becoming something of a neighborhood nuisance.
Crimezine has tried earplugs naturally, along with ratcheting up the volume on out backyard PA system to rock concert volumes, but still the clamour of the Craisies persists. It is like Beatle mania all over again, or so former lothario/ neighborhood grouch Jack Nicholson grumbled to Crimezine at a recent neighborhood watch meeting. Crimezine is tempted to agree, but we suspect Mulholland Drive’s most famous Lakers fan is simply jealous of all the
attention that Crais is getting.
Luckily Crais missus, the pulchritudinous Pat, is also a blackbelt in Taekwondo and although she is known locally for her stoic nature, she is also adept at dealing with her hubbies growing army of fans. Crais who has been described in People magazine, as having a boyish, huggable quality, is saying little, although Crimezine has received the usual collection of Keep the noise down, I am working calls, on our answering machine, so we can reassure Crimeziners and Craisies alike, that the great man is hitting his daily word count, unperturbed by the recent attention.
Robert’s latest novel, Taken is available in bookstores January 10, 2012.