Mulholland Drive neighborhood watch: Jack Nicholson goes postal as Detroit 187 is canned by ABC bean counters

Posted: October 30, 2011 in Mulholland Neighborhood Watch, TV Crime
Tags: , , ,

Mulholland Dr

Mulholland Drive: A world in chaos

With the NBA lock-out in it’s bazillionth week, LA’s #1 Lakers fan  Jack Nicholson has been using the free time to make a neighborhood nuisance of himself. The septuagenarian thesp and neighborhood grouch, has been cruising Mulholland Drive on his electronic senior scooter,  giant cigar in one hand and a vitamin enriched hot milky drink in the other.

Unable to vent his considerable ire on the  foes of the West Coast’s ball-bouncing behemoths  It would seem that the Chinatown star is seeking a new target on which to turn his considerable spleen. Surprisingly, it is not the constant parade of gawkers bussed in on a daily basis to gape at the front of his property, nor is it the throngs of Craisies who wait expectantly outside the home of  Robert Crais, the world’s greatest living crime writer, for the next masterful installment of the Cole and Pike saga.

The target of this legendary ire ? The bean counting suits at ABC television responsible for canceling Detroit 187. Apparently Jack has been using the show as a palliative, to take his mind off the chasming emptiness of a Lakers free Autumn. But now it is all over, and Jack is inconsolable. Crimezine understands that Mulholland’s Lahori Liquor Store proprietor Pervez Parania was responsible for breaking the news to Jack, a task that many stronger and more manful proteges of the movie legend have been ‘rain-checking’ for months.

Misty eyed Mulholland veterans at the recent Neighborhood Watch meeting compared the stars rampage to “the old days”, when Jack and Hunter S Thompson would race Marlon Brando and Warren Beatty down the street, with turret mounted 40 calibre machine guns and a dead elk head strapped to the front of their monster truck.

For the sake of local residents, Crimezine prays for a speedy resolution to the NBA debacle and joins Mr Nicholson in the fervant hope that the truly awesome  Detroit 187 will be picked up by far sighted  cable execs, in a similar way to that other Crimezine favorite Southland.

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