Thanksgiving in the Hollywood Hills and the euphonious tones of honking accordians and reedy Greek Bouzouki music are ringing out across Mullholland Drive.
Harken to the smash of plates and the musical lilt of Cretan folk dancing. Yes, voracious man vortex Jennifer Aniston is having yet another of her raucous parties, and her famous tractor beam charms are sucking in Hollywood Himbos from a tri county area. As you will imagine, parking on Mulholland, is even more dreadful than usual.
Crimezine understands from Mulholland’s irascible Lahori Liquor store proprietor Pervez Parania, that Aniston chums Matt le Blanc and Matthew Perry are visiting for the holidays, a report borne out, by the fact the shelves at the Lahori Liquor mart have been completely stripped of smooth-sippin’ Jack Daniels whiskey and all varieties Ben and Jerry’s ice-cream, which has been a major inconvenience for local residents this holiday weekend.
As Crimeziners will imagine when the Anastasakis clan are partying hearty next door, the neighborhood watch phone in Crimezine head quarters rings off the hook as a matter of course.
Robert, Keep the noise down Crais was the first to log a complaint, According to an irate message on our answer phone, the world’s greatest living crime writer was too stuffed with turkey and pumpkin pie to slip into his Lycra jogging gear and drop over for crisis talks and aperitifs,
Which is fortunate, or we would never have heard the end of it.
Meanwhile, neighborhood grouch Jack Nicholson, frustrated by the lack of Lakerly action at Staples Centre is out of town at the moment. Reports that he has been seen pepper spraying shoppers during an orgiastic Black Friday shopping spree, are unsubstantiated.
Neighborhood watch liaison Sgt Lex Polański of LAPD has tabled an emergency meeting of Neighborhood leaders, but unfortunately due to “deep, deep, discounts” at Bed Bath and Beyond this weekend, the required quorum for an emergency meeting could not be raised.
Crimezine resolved to send a over a gallon of ouzo and a dozen Domino’s Deep feast Feta cheese and hummus pizzas to Rancho Anastasakis and noticed with satisfaction, that the raucous barrage of Bazouki music tailed off considerably.