Mulholland neighborhood watch has a Crimezine Christmas tempest.

James Patterson: Lifting the spirits of children

It has been a busy week on Mulholland Drive Crimeziners. The hurricane force winds that have been battering Los Angeles have caused siren blaring chaos on a city-wide scale, but nowhere has the whirlwind of damage and trauma been more keenly felt than on Mulholland Drive.

The streets most cantankerous senior Jack Nicholson has had his entire Christmas display blown from his roof, and we are not talking just flashing lights and a couple of amusing snow men here. The Chinatown star had a life sized Santa and Sleigh nailed to the eves, along with a full team of plastic glow in the dark reindeer.

When the tempest took the Nicholson display airborne, disappointed children from as far away as Pasadena jammed the switchboards at local news stations with reports that Santa Claus was on his way, before they had chance to compose their finely detailed demands for consumer durables and place the traditional ‘carrot for Rudolph’ under their collective Christmas trees. Sob!

Spectacular though it was seeing the Nicholson display soar into the Hollyweird night, along with various car crushing eucalyptus trees and an assorted selection of Jennifer Aniston’s lawn furniture, Crimezine is chastened at the thought of so many tiny tear stained pillows.

We can confirm however that James Patterson will be making the rounds of local Xmas Grotto’s dressed in full Santa garb to lift the spirits of the little ones, by doling out free copies of his latest festive book The Christmas Wedding.

Crimezine would obviously prefer some carcinogenic Chinese candy and a 10 cent plastic toy same as usual, but apparently it is not possible to cater to all ages and tastes at such events.

Meanwhile Crimezine has spent the past days retrieving Christmas decorations and lawn furniture from  all over Hollywood.  Witches of Eastwick star Nicholson  has promised to take us to the Patterson grotto in his newly acquired WWII German half-track, which has lifted our storm ravaged spirits immeasurably.

We fear however that the neighborhood watch will be writing a strongly worded letter of rebuke to the Postman Always Rings Twice star  as he has been warned about stockpiling military vehicles in his front yard on a number of occasions.