Strewth Crimeziners. There’s not even a moment to say g’day and wouldn’t you know it, a truckload of bleary-eyed bludgers have just stolen Guy Pearce’s car. But the great man isn’t about to chuck a wobbly, no mate. Guy is a man who gets even, no matter what the price.
Now Mr. Pearce is, as many will know, is a Crimezine favorite. He played the charming Mike Young in 80’s soap Neighbors but has since redeemed himself considerably, starring in such cinematic classics as Ravenous, LA. Confidential and er… The Adventures of Priscilla Queen of the Desert.
Well, you can be assured there are no queens in this desert Crimeziners. It is dryer than a drovers dog out there in the outback. And you can be certain there is even less happening there, in a post apocalyptic Australia, than on a work week Tuesday in Wisconsin. It is however cinematically “Atmospheric” and if you enjoy that kind of thing, that is just fine and dandy. To add to viewing enjoyment the endless panoramic vistas are accompanied by a soundtrack composed by a particularly heavily drugged and tone-deaf Velvet Underground fan, whose hobbies include listening to flies and drawing his nails slowly down a blackboard.
So what can liven this thing up we hear you ask. Well, there are the murders of course—a lot of murders. There is wounding too and cruelty to midgets, but mainly murders. There is also a soupçon of roadside crucifixion, but Director David Michôd is just funning with us here, in a way that might lead us into thinking something is actually going to happen. Not much does. Then there are some more murders.
We would like to say the pace picks up when facially ravaged and perennially sweaty Pearce meets the wounded and mentally challenged Rey, played by Robert Pattinson. It didn’t—there are however more murders to look forward to. And all the while we were wondering about Guy Pearce’s hair: Alopecia? An engaging sub plot that we liked very much.
There is a thriving genre of artistically shot “horror in the desert” movies. If you liked films like 29 Palms and The Hills Have Eyes, and Mad Max, you may very well enjoy this movie a great deal. The poobahs at the Cannes film festival did not, and you just know that if a film is too artsy for those bludgers—it is very artsy indeed.
Now, there is a point to relentless horror Crimeziners, but it is a very long time in coming and standout moments by the chilling Gillian Jones aside, this movie is deader than a dingo’s donger. Fair dinkum? We thought so. Now where are those tinnies? A golden throat charmer was never more sorely needed.