Archive for the ‘Crimezine Separated at Birth’ Category


L-R: Nyuk, Coben-Crimetastic. Nyuk, Curly-Comedic. Nyuk, Fester-fiendish

Harlan Coben recently contacted Crimezine HQ gushing forth excitedly about an alleged appearance he has made in the new Three Stooges movie. At last my kids think I am cool he whooped. News flash buddy: you are the old guy who makes the payroll. Those kids will never think you are cool, no matter what you do, besides, it is Christmas week, you think it is coincidence those little demons are buttering you up big guy?

Still, Crimezine perused the Three Stooges trailer at length, even sliding through the eye-poking high jinx on a frame-by-frame basis, searching for signs, no matter how fleeting, of Crime Fiction’s tallest author. Nothing.

It is not as if Harlan is hard to spot, he is a giant, bald-pated behemoth, bigger than an NBA big man. The dude would stand out at a tall persons convention.

Can it be that America’s greatest mystery writer is some how envious of George Feta Cheese Pellecanos’ awesome product placement coup in the Three Stooges trailer, in which we see Coben’s New Jersey neighbor Snooki ‘reading’ the latest Pellecanos best seller The Cut?

Crimezine would like to offer a quite different thesis to this Chandleresque mystery.

We believe that America’s #1 Mystery writer is simply attempting to guide us towards the undeniable similarities between himself and his movie doppelganger Curly Joe.

Doh! We should have realized when we saw The Addams Family movie. Have you ever seen Harlan Coben, Uncle Fester and everyones favorite stooge Curly in the same place? No. Separated at birth, or one and the same person? We leave it to the conscience of the individual Crimeziner… Have a Crimetastic Christmas everyone!

Crimezine-Magnum Charlie Beck

Left to right: Tom, Magnum Pi, Selleck, LAPD’s Charlie, yard brush, Beck

Crimeziners must surely have noticed the uncanny similarities between LAPD Chief Charlie, yard brush, Beck and Tom, Magnum PI, Selleck the nineteen eighties most mustachioed private investigator. Seperated at birth? We leave that to the conscience of the individual Crimeziner, but the photographic evidence is damning.

Here is the evidence, the Beck /Selleck nexus is so strong, that the mustachioed crime fighting twins have the same bizarre fashion sense. Off duty, Beck can often be seen in garish Aloha shirts and junk hugging snow wash denims. Likewise  Selleck parades around Los Angeles in rumpled police chief garb, while chairing yawnsome news conferences. Zzzzzzz

In a further twist to this stranger than fiction saga Magnum lived in the mansion of millionaire Robin Masters a “celebrated but never seen author of lurid novels” Surely this means that Machiavellian crime mastermind James Crimezilla Patterson is at bottom of this affair?  Perhaps this is evidence of the duplicator ray he has been fiendishly developing with the North Koreans, so that he might reward us with even more of his #1 bestselling fiction?

Interestingly however, Selleck and Beck have never actually been spotted together at the same time, leading Crimezine to believe that the Tasche twins are actually one and the same person.

If you love crime as much as Crimezine, welcome to our new series Top Crime sites of the week. Crimezine regularly crawls the net, looking for hot crime sites that rock our collective world. We like our crime dangerous we like it retro. We Like it to rock! If you have  such a site, or have come across one we should know about let us know! Crimezines top Crime websites this week are:

Dave Courtney

Dave Courtney: the real deal

One last thing bub, when you get there, dont  forget to tell them Crimezine sent ya.