Crimezine catches American Crime— and feels the darkness.

American Crime—A laugh riot of comic japes and quick-firebanter.

Ah, there you are Crimeziners. Anyone fancy some American Crime? Not Serbo-Croation Crime, or Guatemalan crime, but full bloodied, freedom loving, American Crime? How iconic that sounds. You can almost imagine the marching band, and old glory fluttering patriotically in every scene, as a square-jawed set of shoulder-holster wearing patriots, with pomaded hair, swap dry, Dragnet style witticisms and unfiltered cigarettes, as they “stake out”, run down, then pummel ruthlessly “punks” of every description.

The world has changed substantially since America used to make those kind of shows. In a world where living human beings are burned alive, beheaded, and otherwise tortured in an endless rolling news horror-fest; the viewing public has become somewhat desensitized to the threat of “stoners”, “radicals” and jug-eared gangsters from central casting.

Gritty realism is the new vogue, and American Crime has plenty of that. In this show the darkness is unrelenting from the outset. Heroin addled beat-downs, junkie rip offs, and terror-filled streets seething with emaciated street-hoodlums with more tattoos than you can shake a magic marker at. There are the sweet middle class families too, torn apart by horror of it all. The horror! The horror! Even Joe Conrad wouldn’t be able to make it through this show in one piece.

Thirty minutes of this kind of “entertainment” and you will be reaching for the prescription meds in the vain hope that the world will become bright and shiny again. Of course it won’t. The world will never come good again, especially if you have been watching rolling news coverage for any length of time.

At the other end of the entertainment spectrum we have the CSI’s and the other acronym ridden crime-lite shows that top the ratings. But even these prime-time staples are becoming infected with the growing tendency to favor gratuitous cruelty and stomach churning nastiness over mystery, suspense and sophisticated plot development. Thanks al-Qaeda. Ten bucks for a water at the airport, now this.

On a lighter note, Timothy Hutton is marvelous as former gambler Rus Skokie. Hutton has been acting for literally fifty years man and boy and has starred in umpteen movies and TV Shows. Unfortunately, Crimezine was unable to shake away the memory of his performance as Nathan Ford in Leverage. This was perhaps the cruelest torture of all in American Crime, because every time Hutton graced our screen we expected him to offer up a pithy Leverage style witticism. Sadly none came, and we were forced to choke down a handful of Citalopram with a vodka-tonic chaser. This didn’t help. We then switched to rolling news, in the hope that the latest burnings and beheadings would cheer us up.

But as those with romance and optimism in their hearts will know, there is always something good that comes out of every great tragedy. In this case, that something good is the on-set love match between the superannuated Hutton 54 and his American Crime co-star, 26-year-old Caitlin Gerard. (The junkie chick in the show.)

Apparently the two lovebirds hooked up while shooting the show in Austin, TX. Crimezine understands from insiders that the two are so “into each other” that she moved into Hutton’s Austin love nest and she’s now “secretly” living with him and his 27-year-old son Noah. Aw, bless—the kid is older than she is. No doubt mom—Hutton’s first wife Debra Winger—will be delighted. Catch you later Crimeziners.

http://abc.go.com/shows/american-crime

Crimezine gives Facebook a poke

Crimezine Love, love, loves the awesome True Detective Magazine

Greetings Crimeziners, many subscribers to Mulholland Drive’s most sensational crimeblog will no doubt already be Facebook ‘friends’ with Crimezines new Facebook version. To those of you who haven’t yet checked out the Crimezine Facebook page and pressed that all important ‘friend’ button, we would encourage you to do so now. But why? we hear you ask. The new Crimezine Facebook page will feature EXCLUSIVE new material, including fast moving crime fiction news and connections to a whole host of cool new crime writers. In addition we welcome any cool or amusing crime related material that will appeal to our readers. So pop along to Crimezines Facebook page now and give us a ‘like’ that way you be guaranteed to get all the latest updates.

Crimezine: The #1 Crime Blog Empowering Seniors everywhere

Crimezine Exclusive: Sofia Coppola filming new Bling-Ring crime caper in Los Angeles.

Original Bling-ringers

Kardashian Kountry will never be the same! Oscar winner and Indie flick darling Sophia Coppola begins filming her latest offering Bling Ring in the wealthy LA suburb of Calabasas this week. The locale is a famed  refuge for all manner of celebutantes and media-mag darlings blinging it up for all they are worth.

The movie, which is written and co-produced by Coppola, tells the story of a gang of media obsessed teen-outsiders, who burglarize their way into the lives of their favorite stars. The movie is based on the true tale of a gang known as the Bling Ring or the Hollywood Hills Burglar Bunch. A group of teenage friends who used the internet to stalk celebrities like Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton,(who they robbed several times) then rob their homes when they were out, attending swish events in Hollywood. The gang allegedly stole more than four million dollars worth of Jewelry and designer clothing, much of which was never recovered.

The Movie will star Emma Watson and Leslie Mann. Coppola, daughter of famed Director and wine grower Francis Ford Coppola is co producing the movie, alongside her brother Roman Coppola and Youree Henley who also produced Coppolas cult hit Somewhere.

Crimezine is crazy about Jo Nesbø’s Headhunters

Headhunters

Jo Nesbø is the hot new Norwegian crime commodity, and in the massive vacuum that has been left by the death of Stieg, Girl with a Dragon Tattoo Larsson, it would seem that sick-puppy superstar Jo Nesbø is the only man with a crazy enough back catalogue of work to fill the Hollyweird demand for Scandinavian crime.

Jo Nesbø is rightly famous for his marvelous Harry Hole series and Martin Scorsese is currently turning Nesbø’s serial-killing Snowman book into what will no doubt be a top flight Hollywood money spinner.

Meanwhile subtitle loving Crimeziners will be able to get a preliminary taste of Nesbø’s penchant for gruesome craziness in the new Norweigian film Headhunters.

Headhunters is Nesbø’s first standalone work—so no Harry Hole this time out Crimeziners, but corporate crook Roger Brown (Aksel Hennie) more than makes up for this.

Roger is living a double life: He is Norway’s most accomplished headhunter by day, while secretly he is a high-end art thief, struggling to subsidize a life he cannot afford. When Roger’s beautiful gallery owner wife introduces him to a former mercenary with a priceless Rubens painting, our hero just cannot help himself.

This is a gloriously gruesome European crime romp. Think Carl Hiassen Patricia Highsmith and maybe a touch of Chuck Phalahnuick for an end result that is total Nesbø. Crimezine recommends this film whole-heartedly. See it now before it gets remade by Hollyweird marketeers.

http://www.magpictures.com/headhunters/

http://jonesbo.com/

Crimezine Classic Crime all the time

Stealing Your Life, Frank Abagnale

Stealing your Life

Be afraid, be very afraid they are coming to steal your life, Just who they are exactly, you will probably never know. But once this plague of anonymous criminals have assimilated your identity, they will do more than just empty your bank account, they will use your details to buy, cars, boats, houses and the kind of luxury lifestyles you can only dream of—and once they  have destroyed your credit worthiness, they will move on to their next victim.

So how do these criminals steal your life? Frank Catch Me If You Can Abagnale will tell you in full technicolor detail, but fist the background:

Frank is a former con artist of world class repute. Steven Spielberg made Frank’s criminal life into the movie, Catch Me If You Can starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hanks.

Between the ages of 16 and 21, Frank posed as an airline pilot, an attorney, a college professor and a pediatrician. He cashed $2.5 million in fraudulent checks in every state in America and 26 foreign countries. Apprehended by the French police when he was 21 years old, Frank served time in the French, Swedish and U. S. prison systems. After five years he was released on the condition that he would help the federal government, without remuneration, by teaching and assisting federal law enforcement agencies.

Today, Frank is one of the world’s most respected authorities on forgery, embezzlement and secure documents. For over 35 years he has worked with, advised and consulted with hundreds of financial institutions, corporations and government agencies around the world, including the FBI.

So—how does the big con start? Well it may be the dental receptionist, the mail man, a neighbor, or even a work colleague, it might even be a criminal from the other side of the world, fact is the personal details thieves need to steal our identities are widely available if you know where to look, and the consequences of these crooks stealing your identity are wide ranging and frightening.

But fear not Crimeziners, Frank has a comprehensive action plan to prevent such fraud. He suggests for example you read your credit reports from such companies as Experian, Equifax and TransUnion, every three months, as they provide an early warning sign of identity fraud. He suggests you keep your Social Security number close—very close. He also suggests keeping track of bills, a favorite starting point for identity thieves. He also suggests  a number of other useful measures, some obvious, like buying a good quality shredder, others less expected, like how and when to use cheques and credit cards.

This book is an invaluable and fascinating read. Abagnale even offers strategies for reigning in the damage, if your identity has already been compromised. Crimezine is certain that many criminals will treat this book as a how to bible, on the plus side, it will alert the unwary to a burgeoning new world of criminality.

http://www.abagnale.com/index2.asp

Crimezine the zine at the heart of the crime scene is #1 for TV Crime

Crimezine is #1 for TV Crime

Holy Cadavers Batman! Mulholland Neighborhood Watch tables meeting, as severed head and human body parts litter the neighborhood.

Cesar Millan look-alike Crais—The one in the sunglasses

As Crimezine was enjoying a particularly refreshing three-fingered glass of breakfast Cognac by the pool this morning who should poke his head through the Ferrari sized hole in our electrified perimeter fence, but neighborhood curtain twitcher and crime-writing Uber-Mensch. Robert Keep the Noise downCrais.

Crais has been uncharacteristically chipper of late and today was no exception, as his latest Cole and Pike tome Taken is riding high in the Best Seller charts. Which is all very well, but the neighborhood watch hotline in Crimezine HQ has been ringing off the hook once again, with gruesome tales of death and dismemberment.

Worse still, Crimezine has heard disturbing reports that the #1best selling author has been heard “singing”the Ozzy Ozbourne “hit” Craisie Train, (going off the rails) as he runs up Mulholland Drive in his skin-tight lycra leisure wear, with his pack of slavering attack dogs in close formation around him.

Eyebrows have been well and truly raised in the neighborhood, let me tell you, why only the other day, neighborhood grouch Jack Nicholson [who’s eyebrows are permanently raised] complained to Crimezine that TV pooch whisperer Cesar Millan had moved into the neighborhood, and what the hell were we going to do about it?

It took a great dial of liaising with Mulholland community cop Sgt Lex Polański and other neighborhood poobahs such as irascible Lahorei Liquor store proprietor Pervez Parania, before Crimezine was able to establish that the shortsighted Chinatown star and #1 Lakers fan Nicholson, was in fact referring to Craisie-train Crais, panting up the hillside with his attendant pack of canine compadres.

Naturally Crimezine sympathized with the Witches of Eastwick star, over what must have been a very traumatic experience for a sensitive thesp’ of his advancing years.

Which brings us neatly back to the news that curtain twitcher Crais was so eager to impart. Apparently one of his dog walking chumettes became the unwitting recipient of an early Halloween gift the other day, when her proud pooch retrieved a human head from the bushes on the Bronson Canyon dog walking trail. Yikes!

Further investigation revealed matching hands and feet, though the location of the rest of the zombified coyote meat is still something of a mystery. The area is known locally as the Bat cave, due to it’s fleeting appearance in the Batman series. It is a spooky locale for sure and you certainly wouldn’t want to pay it a visit on a Dark Knight [geddit?].

According to LAPD the gruesome body parts belong to unfortunate former airline steward Hervey Medellin. Naturally a second Cognac was called for as Crimzine and Crais bravely watched Armando the Guatemalan pool boy crane out yet another wrecked car from the deep end of Crimezines swimming pool. It is quite literally Murder living on Mulholland Drive.

Crimezine website of the week: truTV

http://www.trutv.com/library/crime/photogallery/index.html

Website of the week is back Crimeziners, and it is time for the true crime apocalypse to end all true crime apocalypses: Welcome to truTV.

This grisly gallery of pestilent perpetrators will have you gasping, groaning and giggling with equal measure. tru TV’s crime library photo gallery is a Crimezine obsession. Pictures of deviant celebrities? Check. Pictures of Vampire blood lust? Check. Criminal facial tattoos and mustache mugshots? Check and check again. All this and the top ten bestiality cases of 2011 thrown in for free. If it is criminal and on camera truTV has is it for you.

Check out: clowns in the cooler; Mugshots from rock bottom, and the hilarious Weave been arrested. See pictures of foolish felons, with bandaged physiognomies in the chortlesome Wrap sheet. And in Arrest-au-rant, celebrity chefs face the heat outside the Kitchen. We leave  you with  startling pictures from the Changing face of crime section. Tru TV Rocks. Book mark it now, and remember you heard it first on Crimezine.

Tweaker Beauty Parade: The Changing Face of Crime