Mulholland neighborhood watch Stays Close to Harlan Coben

Tony Soprano, Jack, Fester

America’s leading mystery writer Harlan Coben is schmoozing it up big time this week. The reason for this gluttonous levity? The release of his latest stand-alone mystery puzzler, Stay Close.

Now Crimezine is still busy nosing through our vellum bound advanced copy of this eagerly awaited tome, but even at this early stage we can confirm it is another winner—we are up to chapter five already and have absolutely no frickin’ idea what is goin’ on! Hurrah!

What we can exclusively reveal however is the name of one of the novels most striking characters thus far, a tall, looming bald guy by the name of Fester. Now we know that Harlan is an eager reader of Crimezine, but we are concerned that the gentle giant might have been subject to a degree of name calling by local children, after our recent separated at birth feature that compared Cobie to the Adams families spookiest uncle.

Speaking of local children, Crimezine was recently sent the above picture of Mulholland Drive’s local  neighborhood grouch, Jack Nicholson, hanging out with Cobie and corpulent Soprano’s look-alike Chris Christie—the part time New Jersey Governor and full time presidential tease. Christie looks happier than a man who has won a life-times admittance to all you can eat Tuesdays at Deli-meat Joes. Harlan meanwhile can be seen looming in on Jack’s left, like a particularly spooky nightclub bouncer.

Jack told Crimezine later—I was only in town to see the Yankees, when this guy asks me if I wanna hook up with a basketball dude called Cobie, Naturally I thought they were talking about Kobe Bryant from the Lakers, so I went along, when I got there there was some giant dude looked like uncle Fester. He had a tie on that looked like he had puked on it.

Crimezine naturally made comforting noises and offered Jack a soothing milky drink, after reassuring him that the giant Uncle Fester look alike had almost certainly borrowed the tie from Michael Connelly.